Death to Life: my path to unity

A reader's personal journey from darkness into Light and an eloquent analysis of the evils of suicide

Guest article by Eve Bennett

Introduction by Occult Mysteries

Over the years we have published a number of articles by contributors describing their personal search for Truth, but none have moved us more than the account you are about to read. Eve Bennett's experiences, and the painful lessons she learned from them, are sure to resonate with many readers. Some will nod and smile quietly to themselves in sober remembrance of similar life-changing events in their own lives, as we did when we read her contribution. Her story has some very close parallels with that of Richard's momentous search for Truth recounted by John Temple in the first of his articles for us. To say any more would be superfluous, for this compelling account speaks for itself, as does the author's eloquent and heartbreaking afterword on the evils of suicide; a subject surrounded by so much harmful misinformation and so many damaging misconceptions.

Hieronymus Bosch — Ascent of the Blessed — oil on panel ca. 1500

At death's door

A long time ago I discovered that I was something of an 'unusual' child; a feeling I'm sure many other seekers share. Rather than going out and playing with friends, I would sit and ponder upon the concept of eternity. What did it mean? Could we be gone FOREVER after this life? What would be the point of living, if just to turn to dust forever? It baffled me that other people didn't think like this; how could they blindly stumble through life without questioning it? Rather than joining after school clubs or socializing, I would be happy to sit in my room listening to music and reading. My parents would have to force me to socialize as the idea was abhorrent to me; for I was happy in my own company. I had always felt things deeply, even at a young age, but was resistant to extroversion, small talk, and to the normal 'pleasures' that others seemed to experience and enjoy.

The youngest of my brothers suffers from severe disabilities, and as a child my view of the world was somewhat cynical because of this. I used to ask how this could happen to him, and how people could be so cruel as to point at him, and make rude remarks about his appearance. I could never understand or reason with the coldness of this world. I could not see how seemingly bad things happened to good people; was this fate or destiny? Why were cruelty, indifference and sorrow waiting at every turn; to counteract a happy moment, or a good deed? I felt immensely guilty for being healthy whilst my brother was suffering.

My life changed abruptly when I was twelve. I was hit by a speeding car on a small residential street. Somehow, I didn't die. I vividly remember the paramedic saying "someone 'up there' must really like you." As I lay on the road close to death, I remember feeling no pain, only peace. I felt myself drifting almost out of my body. People had started to congregate to see what was happening. I was sure that I had been able to "see myself" from above; a notion that many adults discounted when I later recalled the events of the accident.

It took a year of rehabilitation and numerous operations before I was finally on the mend. My confidence was at an all-time low. I was thirteen and unhealthy due to inactivity and weight gain, and I had been home-schooled due to my injuries. This was the precursor for the loneliness I would feel throughout my teens and into adulthood. Shortly before going back to school, I had the most unusual and vivid dream whereby I died, but survived death. I was in a realm that I now understood to be one of the astral planes. I felt free, with a total awareness of everything and everyone. I was with my loved ones and I could see space and all of the twinkling stars. That 'dream' has always stayed with me, for I still remember it so vividly. I knew then deep within my heart that we all survive death, and that I didn’t need to ponder upon 'eternity' any more. I was certain that all of the negative feelings that I had were gone, for there was no suffering in the higher realms. I didn't have any more dreams like this for many years, and it would be a long while until my curiosity and deep desire for the truth would come knocking again.

The search begins

Fast forward a fair few years and I was drawn back to the search for truth. I began researching 'life after death', 'reincarnation' and 'near-death experiences' (NDEs). Something unusual had happened to me on the day of the accident, and I had an itch that I couldn't scratch. I was particularly drawn to the study of Ancient Greece and travelled to Athens to see the glorious temples with my own eyes. I found that I had a deep aching in my heart. I was growing weary of this world — a feeling that was even evident throughout my childhood. While most of my fellow schoolchildren wrote poems about sunshine and rainbows, I wrote about the sadness that I saw in the world; the grey bleakness washed over with rain, and the pain in the hearts of others. As I walked around the Temple of Poseidon, an intense feeling came over me. I couldn't stop thinking about life after death, and what lies ahead for all of us. I knew there was more. Since I was young, I have had a belief that I was meant to help others in some way, to be of service. My Grecian quest had only hinted at the path. After reading endless books and gaining a plethora of misleading information, I realised that nothing had yet fully resonated with me.

The years passed and I began to think that perhaps seeking answers wasn't for me. Maybe my destiny was to settle down, get a good job and earn a decent living. After many crossroads, wrong turns and brushes with death, this seemed to be the sensible choice. So for eleven years I abandoned the search for the truth. I do hope you are smiling at this point; for we all know that destiny or providence has a way of making us follow its plan, no matter how we try to avoid it! I worked hard, did my best to assist people when they needed it, and quashed the fire inside me that longed for answers and liberation. As much as I tried to pretend that my life was unfolding just as I wanted, the deep void inside of my heart remained and could not be filled no matter how hard I tried. The truth is; I was burned out, over-worked and over-stretched, and not much good to anybody, least of all myself.

Underneath the facade of enjoying a seemingly 'normal life' I felt anything but normal. A relative had a severe drug problem and the rest of the family had had enough of dealing with him. There seemed to be barely the merest flicker of light left in him. His vivacious personality had dimmed to a husk; his intellect and creativity were almost non-existent. He lived for the drugs and the drugs alone. I had watched him change from a compassionate, intelligent, caring person, to a grey, depressed and solemn shell. He had nowhere to turn, as no-one could deal with having him in their homes. I agreed to take him in for a few months to help him to 'get clean'. Looking back, I didn't realise just what I was taking on. I suppose we never do, or we would never agree to do things that turn out very differently to what we expected. I had many sleepless nights when I would check his pulse every hour to see if he was still alive. There were many frightening moments where I thought I would lose him. I told only a handful of people what I had taken on and had very little support from those supposed 'good friends'. Having witnessed severe addiction at first hand, I can safely say that the darkness takes a firm grip of its victims.

I am very glad to say that he did overcome his addiction in the end through the sheer force of his own WILL, and has gone on to live a very fulfilling and successful life. During the time he stayed with me, my own life got worse. Money was short, I had a health scare and was living alone in a cold, damp and dark house that I could barely afford and eating very little to try to get by. Not surprisingly, I began to drink to excess. I would use the excuse of needing a 'cheeky drink' to cope with life’s endless suffering and bombardments. It was always 'wine o’clock' somewhere, and the welcome numbing out of the pain and stress always provided relief, albeit temporary. My drinking continued periodically throughout my twenties, leading to the breakdown of relationships and bad decisions. I felt like a bat flying through the darkness; I could not see any light anywhere. Where was it during my hour of need? Was life ever going to get any better?

John Martin — The Deluge — oil on canvas 1834

It's always darkest before the dawn

In the space of two short years, two people that I knew took their own lives, and another died of alcohol addiction at a young age. I did my best to assist one close friend through the grief of one of these suicides. The other sudden death was that of an old school friend suffering from severe mental health issues. Though I had not seen him for many years, we kept in touch intermittently. I was shocked to hear he had committed suicide, as he was the light in the room; the young boy who once made everyone smile with endless wit and humour. These three deaths, coming in rapid succession, changed me. I saw the world in a different light, and it was around this time that the familiar negative emotions of my youth resurfaced. Once again I felt that this world was too harsh, too cruel and too much for people to bear.

At the end of that eventful year I got married. In contrast to the beginning of the year it was a very joyous occasion and things were finally starting to look up. For the first time in many years I felt like fate was finally smiling upon me. But wait. . .fate or destiny had not finished with me and struck again! Just eleven months after my wedding day, I found myself comforting a very close and dear friend who was going through a tough time in his life. I had this awful feeling in my stomach; it would not go away. I spoke to him on the phone and assured him that I would be here if he needed me, and that everything would be ok. His voice seemed distant, but he agreed with me. The conversation ended, but the unsettling feeling remained. I decided to follow up our talk with a text message. He replied to say that he felt sick and very low. I responded with more reassurances. I heard nothing more so I assumed that all was well.

Later that same evening an awful 'knowing' washed over me that he'd taken his own life. There was no logical reason for me to think this. Although he was depressed this was not unusual for him, and his behaviour was no different to most people who are having a really tough day. I called another friend with my concerns and was reassured there was no way that he would take his life, and that I was worrying unnecessarily. My head agreed but my heart knew that something awful had happened. The next day I learned that my intuition was correct; my dear friend was dead. It turned out that he had died just before the awful feeling of foreboding had washed over me. There was no apparent or obvious reason for his untimely death. He had a good job, children and a family who loved him. The guilt that I had for not being able to help stayed with me for a long time. My heart was broken. I had no goodbye, no closure; I had so many questions and no answers. My life as I had known it would never be the same again. Sheer agony coursed through my veins; a pain too deep and searing to fathom or interpret with words. Once again I was drinking more which led to even more depressive feelings.

I was plagued with so many unanswered questions. "If-only" and "what could have been" were at the top of the list, but above all, I needed to know what happened to these souls after 'death', for in my heart I knew that my friend was not gone forever. I don't know how I got through this period. I simply existed. I couldn't find joy, comfort or light in anything or anyone. Somehow I managed to complete everyday tasks and still go to work. Even in these dark days I would still feel and hear the faint voice within. My old companion had never ceased to give up on me, despite my flaws, errors and at times, very bad decisions. The inner voice guided me to stop wallowing in grief; to help others, stop drinking to excess and get my health back. I even began to PRAY.

When the numbness subsided and my feelings started to come back, I too, felt like the pain and grief were too much to bear. I even contemplated taking my own life. But I heard a loud voice shout "NO!" in my mind, and it scared the living daylights out of me. I found God in that moment of agony, and a feeling of deep love flowed through me. I felt as if I were being embraced by my own soul — for a child of God is always heard in their hour of their need. In a flash, I was aware that we must always make the most of our time here, and be there for our nearest and dearest. Ending one’s own life was not the answer. Some losses may feel too great to bear; but they are only temporary 'separations'; for I had learned that REAL love does not die with the physical body, nor does real love ever separate us. With the love and support of my husband and family, I was able to get through this seemingly impossible tragedy. It took twelve long months for me to even function as before; but with each passing year I was better and brighter, though not a day would pass where I would not think of those whom I had lost.

Arthur McHugh — The Medium — copper engraving 1865

Psychic encounters

A year or so later I encountered a reputable psychic who gave me a 'reading'. Much of the information she imparted was accurate. But looking back, I was grieving deeply and would have made any information 'fit' in order to provide any semblance of hope. She assured me that it was my friend's destiny to take his own life. This set alarm bells ringing; something did not feel right. Strangely, this woman was actually asking ME for advice, and was clearly not of sound mind. I could sense a 'presence' around her. After this, I decided not to have any further readings from her. In many ways I felt sorry for her. She meant well and wanted to help people; but she badly needed help herself.

Naturally, as I (begrudgingly) live in the 'modern world' I found myself watching an endless plethora of YouTube videos on 'healing crystals', 'moon magic', 'channelling', 'shamanistic healing', and 'witchy advice'. One YouTube channel had a whole segment devoted to suicide. The so-called ‘medium’ who hosted it calmly advised her followers that suicide was fine, as suicides were safe in the 'spirit world' and all was forgiven there. This information was repeated by many psychics and channelers, one even claimed to have had a 'joke' with departed 'spirits' who'd committed suicide. This didn't sound or feel right either. I was feeling disheartened and so desperate for answers that I started reading the tarot for myself. But this too, didn't seem right. It couldn't provide answers to the REAL questions that I was seeking or any information that would lead me closer to the truth.

At this point, I had very little emotional or physical strength left. I was really beginning to feel like I was stuck. I joined various online 'spiritual' groups in the hope of finding answers. If only it were that simple! I continued to pray from the heart, and asked to be guided towards the right path. During this time I encountered many dark occultists disguised as 'healers' or 'magicians'. They were trying to convince me that I could have a luxurious life, full of riches and wonders, if only I would try what they called 'manifestation' spells. This sounded suspiciously like the New Age 'law of attraction' repackaged to me. If manifesting were real and worked, why wouldn't impoverished communities simply 'manifest' clean drinking water, and bread to feed them? The 'magicians' didn't have an answer for that. I had always had financial issues, so surely this would not change by simply demanding that the universe supply me with freebies as a reward for my "good thoughts" or even just because I felt I was entitled to them? The magicians couldn't or wouldn't answer that either!

It was at this time that I really and truly began to realise that 'Psychic' and Spirituality were two very different things. Many people claiming to be spiritual were anything but. Where I hoped to find kindness and compassion, I found bloodthirsty, money grabbing thieves; with only one person to please: themselves. The only gains that they set their eyes on were of a purely material nature. There was no spirituality to be found in them or their aims. I was astounded by the sheer number of people claiming to be 'spiritual' who didn't believe in God! Many believed in a new-age concept of free-love for all, no hard work, and that everyone was entitled to the same in life, with no effort required, and abundance in the form of entitlement. This sounds a little too similar to communism, if you ask me! I do wish to plainly state here that I don't claim to be a 'saint' myself. Far from it; I too, have waded in the pool of new-age nonsense, but I have always eventually (even if after many errors) listened to the quiet voice within, the voice that tells me wrong from right; darkness from light, and the myriad of colours in between.

I was drawn to visiting Glastonbury at around this time. There are many 'occult' book shops there, some good, some questionable. One particular shop had a very 'dark' atmosphere from the moment I crossed the threshold. The owner had a rather large section on 'demonology' and I politely asked if he stocked any books by Madame Blavatsky. I had read one of her articles on psychism, and I was curious to learn more. The 'friendly' shop owner politely informed me that he hid theosophical books on the bottom shelves, as he didn't wish to promote (I quote) "Blavatsky's plagiarism of Hindu culture!" I knew instinctively that this was not the place to find the kind of books I was looking for, and also that he was very wrong about Madame Blavatsky. The heart always knows which books contain the truth it needs. One has to laugh at the value placed on seeking so-called 'magical thrills' over the sanctity and nourishing fulfilment of finding real WISDOM. The Bible has a verse about this.

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"

(James 4:7)

To me, this has several meanings, for not only will attuning to the path to the Light begin to repel the darkness, but it is also a reference to the temptations of the lower self. Sometimes, the 'light' takes the form of sacred literature that in time will help you to find your true path. The 'occultist' who owned the book shop had taught me the valuable lesson to always trust MY inner guidance.

I did not feel it was right to ask for 'riches' for myself, as God always knows what we need. Do the birds need to 'manifest' food? No. The birds know that God will provide for their needs. There are some particularly beautiful verses about this too in the Bible.

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

"Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

"Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

"Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?"

(Matthew 6:25-31)

Whilst there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve our material conditions, there must always be an effort required to do so and there is always the danger of going too far and succumbing to greed. One particular lady with whom I crossed paths traded online as a psychic, but in her biography she claimed to be a shaman, witch, healer, teacher, seer, magician and sorcerer all rolled into one! She was adamant that she wanted to know the truth. But her truth was the firm belief that aliens were abducting people in their sleep, and that at birth we were marched to the Gulags. Except, for her the Earth was the Gulag which is a prison planet where we are all being spied on. She claimed she wanted to help people, even though she herself admitted that she had previous problems with bad entities as a result of automatic writing and similar mediumistic practices.

She identified herself as a 'dark empath' and 'shadow worker'; and confessed to being mentally unbalanced. When I asked her why she didn't turn to sacred texts for answers she said it was too much hard work. She much preferred to skim through books on magic and take the bits and pieces of information that 'resonated' with her. She believed that we should all embrace the darkness within us and incorporate it into our lives. According to her, empowerment for women was to be found in sex magic, and the right-hand path was only for those who thought and acted like Jesus at all times. She added that white magicians couldn't possibly really understand magic as they were not using it for themselves. This reminded me of another verse from the Bible.

"Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch"

(Matthew 15:14).

Needless to say, I moved on quickly from this self-proclaimed 'truther' and 'seer'. I felt I was drowning in a sea of new-age perceptions and beliefs, ranging from the sane to the not-so-sane; from the helpful to the downright dangerous. Many of the practices recommended to me were black magic in disguise; most of which were designed to absolve the practitioner from any personal accountability. You can get away with an awful lot under the guise of 'free-will' and 'consent'. The Internet can be a place of wonders or a place of horrors, depending on where and how you look. In my online quest, I saw dark caverns filled with Tantric money-making, long-distance 'healing', the 'channelling' of dead celebrities, forced 'kundalini awakenings', wiccan 'candle spells' for love and wealth. Amongst the worst were 'schools' for would-be (black) magicians and fraudulent websites claiming to be the 'Great White Brotherhood'. Enough was enough! This was a cesspool of madness from which I needed to climb out — fast! I just wanted to find the path that I had been so desperately seeking, and yet there was no clear cut way for me to achieve this. I deserted the online 'occult' community and also decided to leave social media well alone. I needed REAL connection.

The final blow

I was struck with another tragedy when my husband and I suffered a financial downturn, and for the best part of 18 months we struggled to get by. Yet again, life hit another low point. "Surely; this is it for me now! I have suffered so much over the past few years; there must be a light at the end of the tunnel!" I wailed. Well, I wasn’t quite off the hook; it seemed that life had one more item on the agenda. One day I decided to take an evening walk. This was not something I usually did, as it was too dark to see properly. Right before my eyes, a phoenix appeared in the sky above me. I knew in my heart that this was the sign that I was close to finding my path. Tears coursed down my weary face, for I knew that all that I had gone through had led me to this very moment, and that in fact, there was a purpose to everything. Within a week, I finally found true Occult study, and the Occult Mysteries website. The Higher Mind knows when it has found its home, for it brings a warmth and resonance that cannot be explained; sweet nectar and remedy for aching minds and hearts. I knew, finally, that I had found what I had been seeking for so very long. There are no words to express the love and gratitude I felt on finding the True Light at the end of the tunnel. Once again the Bible had a verse for this.

"For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted."

(Hebrews 2:18).

Douglas Strachan — Orpheus: Single Bacchante with Seabirds — oil on panel 1909

Conclusion

The reason that I wanted to share my story is to provide encouragement to those who feel weary, downtrodden, or perhaps are grieving themselves. There is a great purpose to life here on Earth and I now have a deeper understanding of why taking your own life is not the answer (more of which in my Afterword). We must all face our own weaknesses and errors. None of us are exempt from the natural law of cause and effect. No matter how hard life appears either within or without, there IS a purpose to suffering. There is nothing that cannot be worked out on Earth, and nothing that cannot be overcome with courage and faith. I now understand that the suffering I experienced was the working out of natural law. The difficult events I'd experienced in this life were due to previous actions, both good and bad, wise and unwise. Even though we all suffer pain and sorrow on Earth, we are also gifted with laughter, love, compassion, and the beauties of nature. Every time I see beautiful, unassuming daffodils growing amongst desolation and decay, I am reminded of this truth. Light must dance with darkness, dawn must meet dusk, the moon must give way to the sun, and sorrow and despair must be met with love and laughter.

I was inspired to tell my story while driving through a forest. I had considered writing before, but thought to myself "there are already so many similar articles on the website, will mine bring any additional value?" Then the trees I was passing reminded me that a forest exists only because someone planted their seeds. Just as each individual tree is completely unique in its own way, so the words of each individual writer may reach different seekers, according to their personal experiences, needs and understanding. When I look back upon my personal journey from darkness to Light, it is clear to me that many kind souls planted seeds for me along the way. It is my dearest hope that what I have written will do the same for others, and so shed a little extra light during these dark and disturbing times. I would like to end with a quote by the fictional wizard, Albus Dumbledore, from the wonderful Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling:

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the Light."

(J. K. Rowling — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban).

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The evils of Suicide

Afterword by the Author

As I was editing my article, I received the terrible news of the suicide of another friend, thus making it even more imperative to share my story in the sincere hope that it can help someone, somewhere avoid a similar fate.

Nowadays people place more importance on feelings than objective Truth. By feelings I mean lower-self negative emotions; such as sadness, depression, self-righteousness, anger, hate, guilt, envy, irritation, pride, sentimentality, etc. By objective Truth I mean the great truths of life and death found in the teachings of the great Masters of the past such as Plato, Socrates, Jesus, Buddha and others which are apprehended by the Higher-Self. Moreover, modern society shields us from anything that makes us self-reflect and take responsibility for our own actions and lives, which ultimately are the keys to gaining any kind of growth, spiritual or otherwise.

Suicide is still very much a taboo topic. It is a seemingly daunting task to even attempt to scratch the surface of this painful, contentious, perplexing and utterly devastating subject. Yet it has never been more important or urgent to shine a clarifying light upon it at a time when increasing numbers of people — especially young people — are taking their own lives.

Before the Suicide Act of 1961 was introduced in the UK, it was illegal for anyone to commit suicide, and even today, it is considered a 'sin' by the Catholic Church, frowned upon in Judaism, unacceptable in Hinduism and forbidden in the Koran.

Occult Science, on the other hand, only recognises one sin — that of IGNORANCE. From an occult perspective suicide is the result of ignorance, for it is an attempt to deny the laws of reincarnation, evolution, and above all else, the life given to us by the Creator, however we might regard that formative principle.

In my personal experience, people around me did not know how to approach the subject of suicide. So, for the most part, they avoided it completely. Some showed great compassion, others were judgemental. Yet others simply did not have the words to convey how they felt. I understood each and every perspective, for death remains the great unknown for the vast majority of people.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO) more than 700,000 people take their life each year. This does not include the many more who attempt to take their own life. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death among young people aged 15-29. According to UK Parliamentary statistics, there were 6,319 suicides alone in 2021. The Samaritans quote a figure of 5,219, which shows that one cannot rely entirely upon statistics. These numbers are likely to be even higher, for deaths can be wrongly recorded as 'accidental' or 'misadventure'. Inquests are often delayed, meaning that the annual data is far from accurate.

Suicide doesn't discriminate. Although the majority of suicides are men, the numbers of women dying by suicide are increasing. Data released by the Office of National Statistics (ONS) shows that the suicide rate in women under the age of 24 between 2020 and 2021 saw the steepest rise since records began in 1981. All races, classes and age groups are affected, although this varies greatly between countries. For example, suicide rates are often much lower in devoutly religious countries. This is not to say that people with deep religious faith don't take their own lives, but that fewer do compared to those who have no faith at all.

According to ONS men aged 50-54 were found to have the highest suicide rate, although mortality in other age groups is still staggeringly high. According to the UK Government website, suicide remains the leading cause of death in men under the age of 50, and around three quarters of deaths from suicide each year are men. Tragically, around every 90 minutes, someone in the UK dies by suicide.

I have read countless books, articles and studies, and watched numerous videos about suicide. I wanted so desperately to understand why people take their own life. I can wholeheartedly say that nothing I read made complete sense to me. I feel compelled to add that I don't claim to know the real reasons or circumstances leading up to each individual suicide. I doubt anyone but the victim can ever know this.

According to The Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCPsych), the most commonly cited reasons for suicide are depression, relationship breakdowns, financial or job losses, illness and bereavement. Whilst I wouldn't disagree with this conclusion, I don't think it reveals the whole picture. A common consensus among psychiatrists is that suicide is the 'last straw' after a string of traumas and pain, and that it can never be attributed to one single event or cause. I'm not so sure. The young lovers in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet didn't contemplate suicide until they were forcibly separated. I know the play is fiction, but it shows that a single event may be enough to make someone to take their own life.

There is also an economic dimension to suicide. According to a report from RCPsych published in 2020, the true economic cost per suicide is £443,000, and is likely to be nearer to £1.1 million when intangible costs such as grief, pain, and lost life experiences for family and friends are taken into account. I can attest to the truth of this from personal experience. Many loved ones left behind forego any form of pleasure following such a painful and grievous loss. Some give up their jobs, others simply do not have the same spark of life that they once did, and abandon plans they made before tragedy robbed them of a loved one.

RCPsych believe that the most 'at risk' subjects are those with a history of self harm. They state that a safety plan should include:

Individualised strategies/ activities to instil hope.
Calming/distracting activities.
Restriction of access to common means of suicide.
Contacts for social and crisis support.

Whilst there is nothing inherently wrong with these suggestions, they fail to acknowledge that there is a deeper element to suicide because mental health professionals are largely ignorant of the fact that we have TWO minds, as I mentioned at the beginning of this Afterword. These same experts suggest that suicidal tendencies may be alleviated by simply looking at photos, watching YouTube, listening to music or doing some 'Yoga'. At best these might be temporary fixes, but they only paper over the cracks of the problem. From an occult perspective YouTube can be its own form of torment while music can take us to the highest heavens, or the lowest depths of hell. And, as the authors of this website tell us, Yoga is much more than simply 'stretching in spandex' or a bit of 'mindfulness'. Hence, these suggestions could well do more harm than good.

I believe it is nearly impossible to evaluate the inner pain and turmoil of one person without considering the esoteric dimension. The word 'love' is not mentioned once in the recommendations made by RCPsych. This is why purely psychiatric methods, based as they invariably are on a faithless and godless scientific materialism, so often fail to stop someone taking their own life. Spirituality in its true form is seldom discussed, let alone understood among mental health professionals. Modern secular culture either mocks traditional religion, moral absolutes and spirituality, or undermines them to suit the prevailing socio-political narrative.

Having examined the scientific, psychological and sociological factors behind suicide, let's look at some of the ancient teachings to see if they can shed a clearer light on the subject. Firstly, let us begin with some quotes from the Bible.

"Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish. Why should thou die before thy time?" (Ecclesiastes 7:17).

"For I know the thoughts and I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an unexpected end" (Jeremiah 29:11).

"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell" (Matthew 10:28).

These verses contain a clear and unequivocable warning against murder of any kind, including the murder of SELF.

The inspired thinkers of the past had much to say about suicide. Plato said: "suicide is disgraceful and it is otherwise an act of cowardice or laziness undertaken by the individuals too delicate to manage life’s vicissitudes." St Thomas Aquinas tells us: "Suicide is contrary to natural self-love, whose aim is to preserve us; suicide injures the community of which an individual is a part; and suicide violates our duty to God because God has given us life as a gift and in taking our lives we violate His right to determine the duration of our earthly existence."

The co-founder of the Theosophical Society, H. P. Blavatsky, had this to say about suicide: "The Kabalistic theory is, that a man having so many years, days and hours to live upon Earth and not one minute less than the period allotted to him by fate, whenever the Ego gets consciously and deliberately rid of its body before the hour marked, then must it still live, even as a disembodied suffering soul. The Ego, or the [negative] sentient individual [Higher Mind] is unable to free itself from the attraction of the Earth and has to vegetate and suffer all the torments of the mythical hell in it.

"It becomes an elementary sprit; and when the hour of deliverance strikes, the soul [Higher Mind], having learned nothing, and in its mental torture lost the remembrance of the little it knew on Earth, is violently ejected out of the Earth's atmosphere and carried adrift, a prey to the blind current which forces it into some new incarnation which the soul itself is unable to select as it otherwise might with the help of its good actions." The interpolations in parenthesis are mine.

These pertinent words of Madame Blavatsky corroborate the Near Death Experiences (NDEs) of the would-be suicides interviewed by American philosopher and psychologist Dr Raymond A. Moody as related in his bestselling book Life after Life. Dr Moody writes:

"These experiences were uniformly characterised as being unpleasant. As one woman said, 'If you leave here a tormented soul, you will be a tormented soul over there too'. In short, they report that the conflicts they had attempted suicide to 'escape' were still present when they died, but with added complications. In their disembodied state they were unable to do anything about their problems, and they also had to view the unfortunate consequences which resulted from their acts. A man who was despondent about the death of his wife shot himself, 'died' as a result, and was resuscitated. He states: 'I didn't go where [my wife] was; I went to an awful place...I immediately saw the mistake I had made...I wish I hadn't done it'." These testimonials flatly contradict the 'spiritual' teachings of the online mediums and 'truthers' I mentioned in my article!

Other attempted suicides who experienced this unpleasant 'limbo' state have remarked that they had a feeling they would be there for a long time. Dr Moody says: "All of these people agree on one point: they felt their suicidal attempts solved nothing. They found that they were involved [in the other world] in exactly the same problems from which they had been trying to extricate themselves by suicide." This is exactly what Madame Blavatsky wrote over 100 years ago.

Dr Moody continues: "Whatever difficulty they had been trying to get away from was still there on the other side, unresolved. One person mentioned being 'trapped' in the situation which had provoked her suicide attempt [it was] repeated again and again, as if in a cycle." This distressing repetition of the act of self-murder is vividly described by author and seer Joan Grant in her autobiography Many Lifetimes.

Whilst staying in a hotel on holiday she went to bed early because she was feeling tired. But she couldn't fall asleep. She takes up the story: "I was still very wide awake when suddenly a young man rushed out of the bathroom, and before I had time either to move or speak he flung himself out of the window. I dived under the bedclothes, so that I should not hear the dreadful thud of his body hitting the paving-stones below.

"After a couple of minutes I forced myself to sit up and listen. But I heard nothing: no agonised groans...no shrieks. So no one could have seen him fall. At least I must shout for someone to help him. Clutching the window ledge, I peered down into the courtyard below...but there was no corpse there. And where the corpse should have been, a waiter was carrying a crate of empty bottles.

"This was the first time I had found myself alone in a room which was being haunted by a suicide. If I prayed hard enough someone would come to look after him and then I should stop being so terrified. I prayed until the sweat ran down my forehead: and then got back into bed and tried to sleep. But I still had my eyes open when the same dreadful sequence was repeated.

"This time I made myself listen, but I heard nothing; so I was unable to learn whether he had lingered screaming or died instantly. Praying hadn't helped the poor man, so freeing him from the despair in which he was trapped was a job that I was expected to do. My heart was pounding so hard that it was difficult to think clearly. I had freed many newly dead people while I was asleep...but I had been able to do so because I had managed not to be affected by their fear.

"I could feel his panic soaking into me like ink into blotting-paper. I should have to feel what he was feeling before I could get close enough to him to be of any real help...but then his fear might be stronger than my dwindling courage...my body might follow his on that horrifying plunge.

"At least I could guard against this danger by pulling the chest-of-drawers across the window, so that whatever happened I could not fall out. When this barrier was in place I felt a little braver, but could only just hold back the waves of fear which I knew would get much more insistent when I attained the necessary degree of identification.

"Unless someone is with me, to whom I can describe my feelings while they are occurring, I can seldom remember more than a blurred outline of what I experience during this very difficult type of level-shift. But I know that I shared that man's fall. As he leaned out of the window he suddenly tried to regain his balance...but it was too late. He tried to thrust out his arms to break his fall...he seemed to fall so slowly...so slowly...

"Then he realised that he would be terribly injured, and tried to pull back his arms so as to land on his head. He felt no pain...only a grinding thud...and then he was back in the bathroom and running hard towards the open window again...over and over again...over and over again."

This is a truly shocking description. Coming as it does from a genuine psychic who spent much of her life trying to help people with mental problems, I have no doubt it is a true account. Indeed, we can be sure of it, for the owners of the hotel in which Joan Grant was staying at the time confirmed every detail of her nightmarish experience.

The unpalatable truth this teaches us is that it lies within our own power to change a situation; to change our lives for the better. We all have the responsibility to pick ourselves up and face our problems. Suicide is not a way out and changes nothing. In fact, as we've seen, it makes things immeasurably worse.

I have come to understand that you cannot shorten or escape your destiny. As hard as life may seem to us at times, all suffering is temporary. If we cut our lives short here on Earth, (which invariably causes untold, life long torment and suffering to those whom we leave behind), we do a disservice not only to our loved ones who depend on us, and humanity as a whole and its evolution, but also to our own spiritual growth.

No amount of well-intended prayer or good thoughts can alter the course of past events. We must all face the consequences of our actions, past or present. No matter how uncomfortable this truth may be it alone can assist us in building a better future, thus helping us to break free from bad patterns or habits. We may even carry traits or memories of trauma over from a previous incarnation, and therefore we may not always be consciously aware of the cause of our present problems, weaknesses, fears or suffering.

Having witnessed the aftermath of the suicides of three people close to me, I was able to see first-hand the devastation left behind for the families, friends and co-workers. Those left behind are haunted by guilt, and sometimes also the trauma of finding the body. They will never understand why it happened, or what they could have done to prevent it. Haunted by the ghost of remorse, they often become a shell of who they once were. Arguably, suicide also steals the lives of those left with their grief. For them there is no medical condition or third party to blame for their loss.

Suicide is a terrible tragedy in the most profound sense. Each individual life has incalculable value in the eyes of God; each person has their own destiny to fulfil, lessons to be learned, beautiful experiences to enjoy. By cutting life short, not only are we not able to overcome the challenges we must all face, but we also cut ourselves off from the wonderful events and achievements that could be just over the horizon.

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